Friday, July 12, 2013

New to Blog----My story

Hey. So yeah I'm new to the world of blogging. I'd like to consider myself an interesting writer, but not everyone may agree. But that's the perks of anonymity! I am a crafty, resourceful mama of a three year old boy. I stay at home with him and I definitely need  to vent sometimes. If I'm interesting, like me. If not, be on your way. No negativity here! 
Being from a small town in the great state of Tejas, I am a little country and a little rock and roll. I spent most of my time in high school struggling to find approval from everyone...now that I'm an adult, I could care less what people think of me. You can't spend your entire life waiting on people to come around to you. You'll miss out on everything. I was a quirky Drama nerd. I wish I would have pursued my dream of acting, but really in today's world who really makes it? I guess there are a lucky few, but dreams don't pay the bills. Not that I'm paying them anyways. I have been married for 4 years and let me tell you it ain't easy. If you love someone you make it work, regardless of what this world throws at you. I am a firm believer of NO DIVORCE. I am a product of a very messy divorce that royally screwed up my brother and sister. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Especially if there is a child involved. Now don't me wrong, if you're getting beat up everyday and cheated on all the time, yeah get your ass out of there, but I want to know without a shadow of a doubt I did everything I could to save my marriage. I have walked away a few times absolutely sure I wouldn't come back, but honestly you have to communicate your feelings to your spouse. If he doesn't know why you're mad its not going to get fixed. A lot of couples my age walk away for stupid reasons. I don't want that. I want a man that stays by my side and can count on me for anything. And that's what I got. He's not perfect by any means and we both butt-heads alot, but we made a beautiful little boy, and he makes us want to work to be with each other. 
I have always been afraid of marriage, because I was afraid it wouldn't last, but if you put forth the effort and you're partner does too, there's no reason you can't make it. Some times it just doesn't work, and I get that, but you should know if you are compatible before you get married. It shouldn't be a rush. It will happen when its time. Take it from me, I'm 28 years old and dated one guy for years (roughly 7) from high school on and I thought I was going to marry him. We split up all the time, and caused each other serious heartbreak, and then I met my husband....in a bar. Lol yea in a bar. We got pregnant nearly 3 or 4 months in (kids don't follow my example please) and suffered some insane heart ache when we lost the baby at 6 months. After going through that we got married. Probably not the most sensible time, seeing as we both were on a roller coaster of emotion, but we did. Been married ever since. And yes, I have had my doubts like any other human on this planet. And sometimes I wonder if it will work out in the end, but all you can do is love your partner the way you want to be loved. If he can't do that for you then get out. Just take in mind that if you have a child, its not just what you want anymore, its whats best for that child. So that's my twisted take on marriage. 
I found that even in the most tumultuous of relationships, the biggest problem is communication. I don't always practice what I'm preaching. I have been known to do the silent treatment and expect him to know why I'm upset. Looking back on situations like that I really stop and think God I'm an idiot how the hell was he supposed to know why I'm mad, he cant read my mind. But I have also been on the other end of the spectrum where I tell him whats wrong constantly and he gets tired of me complaining. He's not the most affectionate or the most romantic, or even the most approachable....but for some reason my heart loves him. He has hurt me pretty badly in the past, and lied and cheated, but I want people to know there is a way to forgive them, if they are genuinely sorry. This past year or so I have come to the realization that this isn't high school anymore, and people cant just walk away when they are mad. You have to accept a situation and find a way to fix it. It took a long time for me to be OK with the things that happened between us, and to believe him when he says he wants to be with me. But I found solace in a slew of verses to help with my pain. God tells us to forgive those who trespass us, and those armed with scripture are well prepared for what the devil throws at you. I am not an overly religious person but I will say this, when I am at my worst, at the very bottom, there is only one person that can lift me up and that's my God. I don't have a blog to preach to people. I just want to share my life...with who ever wants to read this, and to let other young mothers/young wives know they are not alone. Believe me I have encountered every possible horrible situation a couple could face to break the bond of trust. And I am still standing with my head held high. You can too. I didn't have anyone to talk to when my life hit rock bottom. My family judged me and my husband, my friends didn't want to hear about it and I felt completely alone. I don't want anyone else to feel that way. I am hear for advice, love and support. Even to a complete stranger. If my struggles help see the light at the end of the tunnel then I've done what I've came to do. 
I had a stroke when I turned 21 for reasons unknown and since then I have struggled to find my purpose in life. I was told I wasn't supposed to have children for fear of another life-threatening stroke, and the first baby just furthered the thought of not having children. But I did. And he's beautiful. He's 3 and he's a miracle. I don't know what I'm meant for, but if I can spread words of encouragement and hope, I will be happy. Well I hope I've sparked an interest in you for further reading!!! More to come......