So here's a little back story on what's been aggravating me the past few days. I promised my spouse that I would not reveal my name or those of my family. For the purpose of anonymity, and just for the sake of not giving people the wrong idea of our family, since my rants tend to be one-sided. Its only fair. My husband works in the government sector for a water department. He is on call a lot and has to go in at odd hours. When on stand-by he is a page away from getting up and leaving at any moment, so he takes as much time to rest as he can. That being said it is hard to have a good evening with someone when they decide to go to bed at 6 in the evening because of the fear of being called in without any sleep. I know I must not be the only wife out there that is completely irritated. He's very dedicated to his job and that can take a toll on him physically, mentally and emotionally. Not to mention take a toll on our relationship. With a young child being the only thing at home during the day, I am in desperate need of an adult conversation. During this 7 day stand by I get no such thing. Its really depressing on my part because of the lack of attention given at home. I get lonely and he chooses to sleep. Now, I am not dissing a man that gives a 110% every day at work because those are the ones who tend to succeed but I would like at least 5% to be devoted to a family at home. I feel like a nagging wife a lot because it feels like work comes first but since he is the only one working I know he really should be doing what he's doing no matter what it makes me feel. But what is dragging me down today is the fact that I slept in til 1 and got up and came in the living to visit with my husband, and he is now going to sleep for fear that he will get called in and he should really get a nap. We have a lot of missed moments like this. But so is the life of a busy on call man. I wish he had a pager I could call so he'd come home. Maybe I'll get him one.
He is not the best communicator and he gets quite grumpy when I come at him with the "I just wanna spend time with you" card. As most men do. He says the same response every time "you think I like going to sleep early?!" The smart ass inside me says....UM YEAH! Lol the low self esteem side also says yea you do because you dont want to be around me. This post is a far cry from the first of being a strong married woman. I struggle just like every other girl out there with the every day ups and downs of female hormones and esteem issues. So here I am nearly 3 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, buying time until that phone rings calling him in. Booooooo. We need a vacation. Haven't had one since our little one was 6 months or so. But we have no time or money for that so we stay here and retreat to our yard and garden when things get stressful. But as with any garden in Texas, we don't produce much in the summer. Too hot and too dry for anything nice to grow. Although we have managed to save and plant nearly a dozen different rose bushes. We love roses and there is something sweet about going outside and cutting fresh flowers to display around the house. Kinda feels like you are your own little Martha Stewart! :) I have to admit I am a huge Martha Stewart fan by the way! :) I love that she can make something out of nothing all the time. Anywho that is just about all I can bitch/rant about for now. This post kinda got away from me there for a bit. I am easily side tracked.